Never Would Have Made It

I came across the youtube video of Marvin Sapp's Never Would Have Made It last night and I'm totally feeling that song even though it's not the usual type of Christian music I listen to. But I can't believe how much the words impacted me because I just feel like every time things come my way and try to weigh me down it's a thought I have... and to this day; through every struggle and trial I think of how I couldn't have bore that load with out the Lord helping me. I wrote an entry not to long ago but deleted it because I wrote it in frustration at my situation and tonight I'm going to recap it a little so it doesn't seem so vague. I'm so thankful that our preacher preached a little bit about how when Peter walked out on the water when he was focused on Jesus and when he took his off of Jesus he began to sink. Just like Peter (in a way of showing example, I'm totally not even near him) my eyes glanced away from Jesus'. I focused on the billowing waves and with each flash of lighting I saw my troubles, my doubts, other's painful jabs and their pedestal pride trying to educate me on their own holiness and works (when all along holiness is only demonstrated un-purposely), The thought of how could someone pray for me and try to tear me down, even the fear of what people just assume, and the devil's suggestions that I wasn't going to make it.

But I know through Christ I'm a conqueror by His name, His strength and not my own! It's my fault for unlocking eyes with the my savior, my spiritual coast guard in life's storms! The devil has no power, he only suggests and those that fall into his grip, fall because they believed him or felt he had validity, When all along he has no power. I've resisted him and he has fled from me but he is like a person that can't take the hint that your stubborn and not backing down from your decision. My decision is Christ. You know I said this ages ago and I'll write it again. Without Christ in heart, I wouldn't have made it this long. I would've left church, and only the Lord knows where I'd be. I prayed so hard tonight and really rebuked the devil out of such a spiritual desperation and it's like a sledge hammer broke down a wall that had been present and settling for such a long time and I felt freedom for the first time in a long time and I forgot all of those billowing waves, I forgot the troubles, I forgot the pain and I feel like I was able to lock eyes again with the one who first loved me! His greatness is beyond my grasp of love, forgiveness, and life. I know things are different, I feel such an overflowing love and I know in my past, even as a Christian, I've made mistakes, but I don't have to dwell in my past. I think that people look at the past as if its years ago, well if you get down to it, the past was one minute ago, one second ago. His forgiveness is what amazes me most.... when He forgives, HE FORGETS, I can't imagine, Because I've forgiven the best I could, and remember every thing done wrong to me, said wrong about and to me even though I've forgiven. Oh I don't deserve it one bit, and that's what makes it so hard to pray sometimes, but here lately it's like He has been stressing the issue of love to me, His love. It's so easy for me to believe in His loves for those around me and even the unsaved but it was hard for me to accept that He Loves me just the same... and with that I just want to stay below his feet, I don't care if I get a mansion in Heaven, I'll be fine sleeping on the golden streets, just as long as I reside with Him and His people. I know that when I make it through the gates it will be by His sheer mercy!!!!

I'm praying that the Lord help me get more breakthroughs as I have of late. I'm still a babe in Christ, in all I know, I know nothing but that He is great and greater than anything going on in my life and stronger than I am.

As you can tell church was really nice tonight, especially prayer and preaching. I love the church I attend! Anointed preaching and God fearing loving people. The encourage me more than they know!