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Some Apostolic Humor
Hey, let's have some humor on here, how about it? We don't always have to be so serious... The Bible says, that Laughter does a body good, like a medicine.. .
So, that being said, here goes the first one.....
If you see a Christian cartoon, publish it as well.. And, if possible, keep it non-political.. there's already a place for that...
IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan ....)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "He-brews"
So, that being said, here goes the first one.....
If you see a Christian cartoon, publish it as well.. And, if possible, keep it non-political.. there's already a place for that...
IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan ....)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "He-brews"
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by W. David Doran on -
The first Sunday after my husband and I bought a new car, we parked it in
the last row of the church lot, not wanting to be ostentatious.
While talking with friends after the service, my husband accidentally hit
the panic button on his electronic key. Immediately our car's horn blared
and its lights flashed.
Watching my husband fumble with the button, his friend teased, "Wouldn't it
have been in better taste to just put a few lines in the church bulletin?"
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Permalink Reply by W. David Doran on
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A goober notices that she's low on gas so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself.
She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how she is faring.
The goober outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the goober inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left... a little more to the right..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Talking Dog
I have a dog that talks in its sleep. One day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow, "My name is Christopher Columbus! I am seven hundred years old! I own America! I married Marilyn Monroe!"
When the visitor asked what was going on, I replied, "Don't worry about it. It's better to just let sleeping dogs lie."
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Robinson on -
I like the talking dog....
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Permalink Reply by A$h!3y a.k.a D33~D33 on -
FUNNY!!
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Robinson on
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The economy is so Bad that .......
* CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
* Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
* Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
* Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: Pfizer and Citigroup.
* PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings.
* McDonalds is selling a 1/4- ouncer.
* People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
* A truck of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
* The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
* Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
* People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
* Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids: "Finish your plate - do you know how many kids are starving in the US?"
* Motel Six won't leave the light on.
* The Mafia is laying off judges.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 trillion disappear.
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Permalink Reply by W. David Doran on
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Booty
A famous treasure hunter went out one day with all of his diving gear to search for a treasure box that was supposed to be on a sunken ship. He swam around for a while and looked where it was supposed to be, but didn't find anything.
When he was walking out of the water, really close to the shore, he tripped on something. He started to dig around it and it was the treasure chest he was looking for.
All this goes to prove that booty is only shin deep!
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Permalink Reply by W. David Doran on
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- Contest*
There once was a sweepstakes that offered a shopping center as first prize.
The Supreme Court, however, ruled the contest illegal, since everyone knows you can't win a mall.
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Robinson on
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Robinson on
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Robinson on
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
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